Confidence vs Arrogance vs Self Assurance vs Boldness vs Assertiveness etc

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I’ve always believed it’s Not Good to have a Big Head. To be over confident is annoying to most people. To be an expert in something is good. To share knowledge and excitement about something is good. I guess it’s a fine line between ‘showing off’, ‘being proud’ and being able to walk into a room of strangers whilst wanting to run away. 

In this little We Got This (Sometimes)! journey, confidence has been a funny old thing. Having marketed other peoples brands and companies for many years, and truly feeling passionate about them, it really is different setting up your own brand. I really don’t mind talking to anyone and everyone about it, because ultimately I think it does a good thing and can do good things for many people and businesses. 

I’ve met people who’ve told me to ‘be more male’. To talk to myself as if I am my best friend. To ‘just do it’. And in all honesty there is something in having small children as every minute you do work, you are maxing out productivity wise so there is little time to um and ah. Or dillying and dallying as my four year old says. 

BUT, do you think a business ought to be built on who the person really is, or who they pretend to be? Don’t we prefer to follow people, rather than big companies on social media because they are real, and admit their weak points? And once we know they feel sometimes how we feel, we are reassured? I suppose for me, it’s easier to admit the weak points than identify the good points, which is where being more male may help?

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Mutha Hood Girl Your Moving Mountains Postcard

I think it can be tricky to see the wood for the trees unless there is time to reflect. One Girl Band is one of my favourite podcasts, and she quite rightly pointed out that we have just come to the end of the first quarter of 2018 - so it’s time to reflect. Her prompts are here, have a go and you’ll be surprised by what you did ‘achieve’, whether it was re-organising a window sill, getting a new project or making a new friend. 

This article by Lauren Bravo, whose Twitter feed I am most enjoying, made me laugh: “So I guess the challenge is to find the sweet spot on the confidence spectrum, somewhere between crippling self-doubt and Katie Hopkins. After the panic, but before you become insufferable. What’s our RDA of anxiety, though? Is it like a vaccination — too much makes you sick, but a small quantity makes you actually invincible? And, hang on: why are we, the neurotics and not-good-enoughs, having to do all the self improvement here?”

I think what I am trying to say is that I've found mostly we’re all a bit shy, and mostly we're encouraging everyone else to do well. Recently I’ve been to two networking events. I’ve not been to one since 2010 when I was kind of forced to for work, and it is REVELATIONARY. I drove in the setting sun at 18:30 while Mike put the kids to bed and learnt some stuff and chatted to some women. I am feeling the positive effects weeks later. And I turned up alone to both, and I was nervous. 

Ok, so:

1. Everyone is a bit shy. Except men apparently. Which I don’t think can be true. Anyway.
2. If you’re a freelancer or business owner, or part of a small business, the networking events I have been to are run by Alex at The Parent & Baby Show (your business needs to be operating in this industry) and Nourish Networking by Jackie Heffer Cooker. 
3. Huffington Post has some good advice here on confident women
4. I love Lauren Bravo so am very pleased to have her name on my blog. 
5. Most people love to help people - always try and give a lot more help than you’re asking for 
6. Come and meet women of confidence, confidence in different guises - the most excellent Mother Pukka, the Scummy Mummies and Gemma from Mutha.Hood - all women who are, quite literally themselves and are an inspiration without being more male.

The End. 

Spring wardrobe decluttering?

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Stella McCartney's 2017 Campaign

Organising your wardrobes for Spring? I'm ashamed to say I am not really a proper green person. I do recycle obviously, and don't litter. As I come out of my baby fog I'm becoming more annoyed by waste, plastic, unnecessary stuff (am I getting old?!). I was shocked to read that 300k clothing items end up in landfill every year in the UK😱! I read about this first over at Clemmie Telfords feed, and felt that it's got to be worth looking at. That’s just 8 clothing items thrown away per household a year. I knew what I could do with good stuff that’s just been outgrown (really must get on with that🤭):

• wash and take to a charity shop
• sell on ebay or facebook marketplace
• save for Fashion Re:Boot if it’s a high-end or high street piece
• organise a swap party with friends, one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure
• give to friends and family
• take nearly new or new garments to New-U shop in Castle Mall, no cash is exchanged but your items are valued and you get vouchers which you can then use to take home other pieces. The other purpose of this shop is to give young people the skills and confidence to progress into employment by offering retail work experience placements in a supportive environment.

But what can you do with damaged clothes?

You know, when the Vanish just isn't doing it. Or the tights really are too holey.  I've been in touch with the lady who used to be @_thisoldthing_ about repairing some jeans (she has changed her handle and I simply can't find her now!) who, with @bykateelizabeth are championing ethical fashion in Norwich (they were excellent vendors at Fashion Re:Boot). AND, I’ve found an App for That! It’s called reGain, which swaps any textiles for discount coupons for sustainable clothing retailers. You have to have ten items, pop them in a cardboard box (that hopefully you have already) and drop at a post office, and receive a 10% voucher on your app. 

What happens to the clothes?

Most of the garments are in good condition and can be reused and re worn. Did you know that 70% of the Global Population are Second Hand Clothing Users? Over 5 billion people! Landfill doesn't need clothes. 

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French artist Christain Boltanski’s ‘No Man’s Land’, was made of 30 tons of discarded clothing. Britain alone is expected to send 235m items of clothing to landfill this spring. Photograph: Stan Honda/AFP/Getty Images

If the garments cannot be re worn they will come back to life in many other forms and industries – from cleaning cloths to mattress fillings, material insulation and automotive industry. Garments can have a second, third or fourth life.

Textiles that are not suitable for Reuse or Recycling are used as combustibles for energy production  apparently. 

Basically the idea is that we need to be wearing clothes until they can no longer be used and then they are ultimately made into new products.

H&M, Zara and M&S offer drop off points instore which is pretty useful (more here) although I did read that H&M can only actually reuse 0.7% of the textiles they receive into new garments. This is because the fibres are shredded so don't end up being suitable for clothes, so are usually downgraded into insulation. Still better than landfill though. Also the H&M Foundation is donating roughly $7 million over four years to the Hong Kong Research Institute of Textiles and Apparel to develop advanced textile recycling methods so it is more of a circular loop.  

If you know of any other ways to prevent garments going to landfill, please let me know and I'll add them to the article.

Time to Reflect

Three months of the year have passed by already! One Girl Band is one of my go-to podcasts and Lola has inspired me to sit down and reflect (I am normally a just look forward person), here are the questions she has suggested, have a go:

How have you felt over the past 3 months? In business, life, health?

What have you learned?

What are you grateful for?

What are you proud of?

What goals did you set yourself at the beginning of Q1?

What goals did you make happen?

What goals didn’t come to fruition?

What goals have happened that you didn’t initially plan or expect?

How do you want to feel in your work and your life next quarter?

What do you want to make space for Q2?

Is your focus for 2018 still the same, or has it evolved?

GUEST POST: Parenting and the Sisterhood by Sally White

Congratulations! You are a member of the biggest, most powerful and empowering group in the world: the Sisterhood. Even if you're a man, if you're an ally*, you're a Sister.

Hands up who’s been passed loo roll under the stall door, or invited to speak up at a meeting, or had a buggy lifted on to a bus for them, or exchanged knowing looks during a mansplanation? Who's been given a glance of solidarity in a soft-play or had a friend send you a word-perfect text just when you've needed it? See, you’ve been all been unwittingly helped by the Sisterhood.

Last week, I took my two children to a play park. One fell and clunked his head. A woman gave me a cold compress to hold on to my son’s beautiful, swelling forehead. Another woman came over with Calpol for him and a pack of raisins for my youngest. A few days ago, a friend left a Thinking of You parcel on my doorstep when she knew I'd had a bad day. Just yesterday, a woman I'd never met before turned my tears to laughter when I realised I'd done a whole food shop without my purse AGAIN. That’s the Sisterhood in action. And I felt grateful. I didn’t feel embarrassed or indebted because the week before I had stepped in to interrupt a man snarling at the doctors’ receptionist. Yesterday, a kerfuffled mother asked me to hold her baby boy whilst she ordered a cup of tea and I continued to hold him so she could drink it. Tomorrow, I will howl at the moon whilst I burn my bra. That’s how we Sisters roll.

It’s so simple to be a Sister: you just have to be mindful of other women and step up when you can.

But you need to remember that you are a Sister to yourself. When you look in the mirror, see a Sister- you will see all her good bits. When you are struggling, look after yourself as a Sister. When you are feeling critical, speak kindly to yourself as a Sister. We need strong members, so we can’t waste time turning on ourselves or each other.

You don’t have to be perfect to be a Sister, though- that’s like saying you can’t be a feminist if you wear lipstick. The Sisterhood doesn’t expect you to be perfect- you can have spiteful thoughts, you can be jealous, you can lie about having watched The Handmaid’s Tale. That’s all fine. The Sisterhood is all about accepting you and helping support you with the decisions you make.

Knowing I belong to a group of funny, clever, generous women has helped me my whole life. Vietnamese grandmothers. American flight attendants. Indonesian waitresses. Dutch cyclists. Everywhere, across the globe, the kindness and generosity of the Sisterhood spreads her arms, welcomes me in and gives me a lift up.

We are everywhere and you are one of us: welcome to the biggest, most powerful group in the world- the Sisterhood.

*If you're not sure if you're an ally then take this quiz: 1) Do you hate women? 2) Do you actively hold back progress towards gender equality? No to both? Welcome aboard!

Do: Wear it with pride with Mother Like No Other’s Sisterhood tshirt www.motherlikenoother.com

Don’t: Exclude the Misters- they’re welcomed but seem to have a gang of their own #wagegap

Do: Listen to The Guilty Feminist podcast for hoots

Don’t: Speak to yourself unkindly

Do: Cock block- when a man is being a dick to a Sister, intervene.

Come over to the blog for more parenting truths and parenting spoofs at www.wifeofawigwearer.com See you there, Sister.

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Sally is a teacher, mother, wife of a criminal barrister, child of hippy publishers. Sister of incredible activist woman. Feminist. Blogger. Eastern Daily Press columnist. Kent-bred. Norfolk-living. Loves: Kettle Chips, boats and the first beer of a holiday. Follow her on instagram @wifeofawigwearer twitter @@WifeofWigWearer facebook

Sally @wifeofawigwearer is one of the brilliant woman I’ve met in the last few months. She’s not just a mother, wife, teacher, writer in the @edp_norfolk, blogger, she also helped initiate a gathering of parents on a Friday morning at ten am at Roots Cafe in Wymondham. Lovely coffee and cake/lunch, lots of toys for little ones and a chance to just Sit Down💪🏽. I went a couple of weeks ago and loved it. Her blog is funny!

Support maternal mental health for Norfolk mother’s when you attend a We Got This (Sometimes) event

Naomi Farrow founder of Get Me Out The Four Walls in the EDP - click to read the article

PND effects 1 in 10 mother’s. We are very fortunate in Norfolk to have Get Me Out The Four Walls. Knowing what a lifeline it was, and still is to get out and about my kids, We Got This (Sometimes!) Norwich will support this charity where it’s appropriate to do so. 10% of any profits made on an event will go straight to the charity, so when you buy a ticket, you are helping. I have also added an optional donation on the ticket page in case you feel able to support further. You can meet one of their Ambassadors at Norwich: Meet Mother Pukka. ….here is a bit more about them...

Naomi Farrow is a Norfolk mum who has been fundraising for 3 years to:
🔸 shortcut the NHS waiting list for maternal mental illness treatment for mothers at the end of their tether 

🔹organise 35 events per month in different locations in the Norfolk area allowing mums, dads, and other primary care givers an opportunity to escape their four walls for some adult conversation extinguishing the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Last year (2017) they had 1881 attendees and ran 388 meets! 

🔸run the Facebook group, which currently has over 4500 members are benefiting from the support and interaction of fellow Norfolk parents and our Ambassadors   

🔹run an additional group, a Post Natal Depression support group on Facebook. A forum for mothers who have been diagnosed with PND or similar maternal mental illnesses, they currently  have over 400 members who regularly use the forum to help them day to day. It is there for mums to talk, vent, and to seek support and advice from fellow sufferers

🔸reduce the typical NHS referral for one to one counselling (can take up to 11 weeks) to 7 days

🔹offer private treatment which includes counselling and acupuncture to patients referred to them

Thank you the Eastern Daily Press and Sophie Wyllie for the recent coverage. 

Snow day solidarity

What day is better than a snow day to encourage mums with a message of solidarity?! We Got This. Aha. Yup. Kids happy as larry being home with brief encounters in the garden, parents both at home (one working very hard, the other trying not to panic about the work not being done). Slightly nervy that schools will be shut tomorrow too. YOLO though right?! Kind of, but the bills still need to be paid. 

Does anyone else see the irony of building a business around your children, so you can be there for them on days like today as ‘it doesn’t really matter, as you don’t work for a boss”. But it does matter, doesn’t it? I devoured all the comments on a post by Frankie @doingitforthekids (who I love a little too much) about how different parents managed the recent half term with alarm and have an impending sense of doom about the longer holidays. I know there are holiday clubs but they are £££, I know we can swap with friends but in all honesty I like not depending on people (but I still love you and want to!), and I know I could just take time off but that depends on work coming in when you need it to. As in term time! Hmm. Are there any freelancers out there who look forward to the holidays? Tell me how! 

I haven't been that vocal about the challenges I’m facing having set up a business and working on freelance projects, because, in all honesty I haven’t had the headspace. Today has been quite good - unexpected quality time with my kids, the knowledge that quite possibly not many others are working and the deal I struck with my husband that we can tag team at 5. But I do like honesty and find it reassuring from others so here goes my random thought jumble:

> social media - I love it and then I feel overwhelmed by it. Instagram is my love, and I feel lifted by all the women I follow. It takes me ages to do my own social media though (I love doing it, until it takes too long - hopefully I can pick up some tips from Vickie @INPOlife at next weeks event) and my husband quite understandably doesn’t get the sheer joy of being connecting with likeminded women so easily (he's declining my invitation to join so far)

> family life - I set up a business to flex around the family, to feel less disappointing to a boss in an office when I can’t make it in again, to avoid excessive travelling, to avoid the school holiday dramas yet find my mind never really switches off unless I’ve had a good talking to. And I still have to deliver work in order to earn money, so it’s still stressful. WHY IS IT SO TRICKY to work with more than one child? Reading this back, I need to look at my Supermum Myth Book again I think and find the balance I am happy with but I feel panicked when my childcare time is taken from me! 

> money - I can’t get my head round how, as a career driven woman with the skills to work from home, I have had two babies and the logistics, cost and mindspace to earn as I was before seem impossible. I read such a thought-provoking post by @toomuchmotheringinfo about how she left an event and couldn’t decide whether to be inspired by the mums who’d decided to forge their own paths or angry that they had to. Yet in the face of having to, I have, and whilst I feel so so proud of We Got This (sometimes!) and the community it’s building, when it comes down to it, it exists because the options available to working mums are not ideal. Anna @motherpukka is coming to Norwich in April, the tickets will be pre-released next week to the email database and I will be absorbing her campaigning, knowledge and practical tips as much as I can (if you’re on the email database, you will get priority booking but make sure it isn’t in the spam - I send a couple of emails a month so if you're not seeing them you will miss out!) 

I think you might be expecting me to be all jovial and 'hurrah we got this mamas’, and we HAVE but the truth is no one person has got the ideal job / balance and we are all muddling along. If you recognise any of these issues, let me know what you’re facing in Norfolk so I can start to work on the interview for Anna :-) Now - back to underthinking everything and cracking on 😉

That's snow from my garden in the pic, by the way :-), pretty!

Emma x