How Annie and Steph make work, work

DETAILED EVENT NOTES ARE HERE

This was the 16th We Got This (Sometimes!) Norwich event (there are clearly a lot of topics to cover when you have kids and are trying to navigate life, right?!)

Annie Ridout in Norwich, photo by Emily Gray Photography

Annie has written a book about how to become freelance when you have kids. Steph left her job and set up a business because she knew her job wouldn’t work round kids. Seventy women came to hear them both share their experience with fizz in a beautiful setting at Bill’s in Norwich. The audience were at various stages - looking for the next step, already freelance but wondering if they made the right choice, maybe didn’t have a choice so are trying to be more effective. The general feeling was “we want to be with our kids, we want and need to earn money - how on earth do we balance it all?”

Steph Douglas in Norwich, photo by Emily Gray Photography

Before we start looking at the advice, a quick side note:  we had a couple of women in the audience who are not mums, and they found the event just as useful - if you’re reading this, and you’re freelance, you’ll get some positive action from Annies’s book. Whether it’s reassurance, inspiration, knowledge - I’ve been freelance for over ten years and things have changed a lot. Put some new tools in your toolkit. Annie’s book is just £7 from Jarrolds. 

The feedback from this event has been pretty immense to be honest. I know there is a gap for women like us, which is why I started We Got This (Sometimes) but even so - the environment we’re in, and trying to navigate is tricky and Annie and Steph are pretty awesome at agreeing to share their experience. Some of the feedback:

Top tips for a mum considering going freelance

“So here goes! I have officially handed in my notice and I am leaping fearlessly into the world of freelance (well, maybe a bit of fear but going to go for it regardless). I'm freee... except that I'm very much not. Two wonderful but high maintenance little ladies will be quite literally hanging on for the ride. Thank you Emma @wegotthissometimes for the brilliant 'Making Work Work' event on Wednesday. Very wise words from @annieridout and @steph_dontbuyherflowers, not to mention the brilliant women in business (or soon to be) I had the privilege of meeting beforehand. I've been totally inspired this week and I'm ready as I'll ever be. Now time to prepare to welcome some babies! 🎉👶🎉” SarahWelcomeBaby

“Happy Friday everyone!

This week I feel like a cloud has lifted after a number of months feeling quite flat (career-wise), I suddenly have hope and a bit of clarity for the future! I took voluntary redundancy from my job in HR and assumed I’d look for another similar role but with three kids it’s not easy to find a flexible senior position (@mother_pukka ’s #flexappeal campaign couldn’t have come sooner). I know I’d never dared leave without a plan so a restructure and a pretty toxic environment was the push I needed. I attended @wegotthissometimes event with @annieridout and @steph_dontbuyherflowers @dontbuyherflowers this week and something just clicked!

Hannah and Martine at PX Success, photo by Emily Gray Photography

Fast forward to today, I got home to an empty house (which never happens) so settled down with this book and noticed Annie wrote “well done for making the leap”, it just reaffirms everything and makes it feel more real! I’ve gone from worrying to being excited about the future, yay!!” @home_we_call_westie

“Thanks so much @wegotthissometimes for a great event! And huge thanks to @steph_dontbuyherflowers for the inspiring mentoring. I feel fired up and ready to go” @hello_lovely_party

“Such a great feeling to be surrounded by like minded individuals who all have the same daily struggles of raising children and trying to stay sane!” @wired_mama

Alison Armstrong Photography, Catherine Scholes Photography, Emily at Love Moi Makeup, Kathy Ashdown Photography , photo by Emily Gray Photography

“These events keep me going. Being in a room full of other women nodding their heads along to what Annie and Steph said make me feel part of something. They were both so honest and thats what makes us all come together!” @little.dottie.designs

“Great event last night thank you. First one I’ve come to and was really impressed with the content and how it was run.” @bigmindcoaching

“It was a really good evening and has given me a big boost. Thank you!” @greenandrowe

“Thank you so much for another brilliant event. I had such a good time. “ @cherished_heart_jewellery

“Little message to say thanks for a great night at Bill's Norwich last week.  I've felt really rejuvenated since!” @melissamorgandesigns

Ellie’s Cakery and Sophie from The Night and Day Feed

Many thanks to co-sponsors Minivino Wines who bought their recyclable, resealable wines for everyone to try, and to Liz their Marketing Director who helped women in the speed mentoring sessions. Huge thanks also to Ginger Fashion on Timber Hill, who showcased their big Scamp and Dude range and gorgeous Norfolk cushions. Please follow them, and buy their things - the event couldn’t happen without them! Little Freddie supplied gorgeous gift sets of organic food for mums to try with their weaning babies, which went down very well. 

Have a look at @wired_mama - she made this wire art for We Got This which I love!

Wired Mama wire art - she can make any word, in a range of fonts, most sizes

What did I find most useful?

As a freelancer and a small business owner, I feel the pain and benefits of both. What I found most useful:

• Try to break the cycle of the guilt I feel when I am working about the kids and then about the work, when I am with the kids

• Remember to be kind to your partner above all else 

• Concentrate on stories, less on sales (like the “why” that Simon Sinek promotes)

• Encourage Mike to and all my friends husbands to listen to the Dear Sugars podcast as recommended by Steph (link is in the event notes)

• Know what to delegate and when - you can only grow if you delegate.

What’s next?

Steph speed mentoring

I mentioned a We Got This (Sometimes) business club, which seemed to have a lot of support - that’s what I’ll be working on next. I’ll be in touch - if you’d like to know more, there is a mailing list on this link called #PowerHour Business Events - that’s where I will send details, or please email me here.

DETAILED EVENT NOTES ARE HERE

There were surveys on your chairs for Liza, a student who is planning a Wellness event for mums - a digital version is here if you missed it, please feel free to complete if you didn’t attend, the survey is here.

Bill’s Norwich - it’s pretty up there - photo by Emily Gray Photography

Annie’s book signing with Jarrolds

Thank you to our co-sponsors Minivino Wines

Thanks to co-sponsor Ginger Fashion on Timber Hill

IMAGE GALLERY

All photos by Emily Gray Photography

#wegotthiswednesday - Steph Douglas, founder of thoughtful gift packages company Don't Buy Her Flowers

Every so often, on a Wednesday, we ask a mum how they manage their work and family. This week, Steph Douglas, founder of thoughtful gift packages company Don't Buy Her Flowers, gives us her approach to feeling like she’s ‘got this’. (Sometimes.)

1. Tell us a bit about yourself and your business.

I'm Steph, I'm married to Doug and we have three kids - Buster, Mabel and Frank. I started Don't Buy Her Flowers in 2014 selling thoughtful gift packages. The idea came when I had my first baby and received 8 bunches of flowers - they were lovely but I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and it struck me as bizarre that the go-to gift was another thing to care for.

We started as gifts for new mums but very quickly our customers were asking to send packages for other reasons - there are so many occasions when someone could do with some TLC and people want to create something more personal that shows someone they've really thought about them. The idea is that our gifts encourage the recipient to have a sit down and take a bit of time for themselves, whether that's with a good book and a G&T, enjoying a hot cup of tea or locking themselves in the bathroom for a full head to toe recovery session.

We're about to launch a new package that is all about unwinding - whether someone is sending a package to a new mum, a birthday, someone who has been bereaved or someone who is just having a bad week, we're all pretty overwhelmed and someone saying 'here, look after yourself' is so powerful. That person is acknowledging you might need some looking after and I had totally underestimated how powerful that is. I ran the business from home for two years, and now we have a warehouse in Gloucestershire, where I'm from, and a growing team. Which feels bloody great. I'm really excited about our next phase. 

2. What is your most embarrassing parenting moment?
Three kids in, I don't think I get that embarrassed anymore! I'm more likely to feel flustered - I had one of those moments the other day where I'd loaded the pram like Buckeroo and when I took a crying Frank out his foot got stuck and it tipped up and stuff was rolling across the floor... those moments would have killed me with my first but now I'm generally ok. I like to look for the pair of knowing eyes who will give you a 'yeah, we've all been there' look. Some days I can handle it, sometimes an accidental kick in the shins from one of the kids will leave me in tears but that's more down to feeling overwhelmed than embarrassed!

3.  How do you juggle your business with being a Mum to three? 
Hmm... sometimes I feel on top of it and sometimes - a lot of the time - I don't! Frank is in nursery three days a week and I feel that is the right balance for us at this moment in time, except I can't actually do all that I need to do with the business in three days a week so there's a bit of a gap. He usually sleeps in the afternoons he's home, and with evenings and a bit of weekends I can manage, but I had reached a point where I had more days covered and I was doing less in the evenings and weekends before Frank arrived.

I think the grass is always greener so I need to remind myself that this was a choice, I'm very lucky that I have that choice, and also this is a phase. When Frank is a bit bigger he'll probably go up to four days and I'll generally be less sleep-deprived so that'll help!

The first couple of years in business were incredibly tough - it takes a lot to get something going - and it feels much calmer than it did then. The business has grown month on month since we launched and we're at a level I couldn't have imagined two or three years ago, so it's important to stop and reflect on that as if you're always just focused on pushing forward it's exhausting. And I have Doug and three amazing kids. We're doing ok. 

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You can follow Steph here @steph_dontbuyherflowers, browse for Mother’s Day (end of March) and all other thoughtful gifts here. Steph has also been on loads of podcasts, and inspired me when I set up We Got This (Sometimes!) - just search for her in the podcast library. I think the Scummy Mummies episodes with her are ace.

Making Work, Work Event Notes

Hello - I don’t usually write up an event in such detail, however there were a few women who couldn’t make it so I asked Helen at @instrunctionaldesignbyhl to take notes - you’re amazing Helen!

Here goes:

Background

Annie was a self employed copy editor on a long term contract who expected to go back to work after the birth of her first baby. It didn’t work out, and she launched her digital magazine The Early Hour, making money through sponsored content. Annie used The Early Hour as her pitch when meeting people, and pitched a book idea to a friend she met through play group. She set up a column called The Freelance Mum - and the book deal came through that. Annie’s book features many of my favourite business women (Cherry Healy, Scummy Mummies, Steph, Zoë de Pass, Candice, Sarah Turner) as she wanted to include other peoples experience and include as much diversity as possible.

Steph hadn’t thought about the reality of motherhood before it happened, and has really retained that feeling (it’s her secret talent) and the emotional side of what it’s like to have a baby - feeling lonely, isolated, angry. She started a blog as the more people she talked to about the shock of motherhood, the more she found people agreed, and she wanted to make sure others felt the same before she started her business. 

Lots of people think Steph used her maternity leave to start a business - she said she didn’t - she may have had the idea but it’s taken four years to get to this point. 

So let’s dig into some of the big topics the audience were interested in:

Identity

Go easy on yourself. Steph said she didn’t with her first two babies, so she learnt to pull up the drawbridge with Frank, her third. You will lose your identity, but it will come back to you. It’s ok to concentrate on your baby. Annie’s advice is to find your tribe. Don’t be with people who make you feel rubbish, find honest friends.

Where do you start if you want to go freelance?

1. Try working part-time and building up freelance clients on the side. 2. Mat leave can be a good time if you’re able to, as legally you’re allowed to earn money from a new side hustle. 3. Have enough money coming in to pay the bills 4. Be laser focussed on the finance side, look at the margins if it’s a product business.

Confidence

Confidence comes from experience. Confidence is like happiness, it needs to be worked at. The confidence session on the Clementine app was recommended by Annie. Annie also has a “Special” folder in her emails, where she puts all her good and nice emails so she can reflect on them. Steph said her confidence has also come from experience, and that things will go wrong but it’s how you deal with those things - try not to take everything persnonally. It’s really important to reflect on what you have achieved so you can acknowledge what you have done. Confidence can be knocked by looking at what others are doing - stay in your lane and do you. 

Time management

Be realistic about what is possible. Endless lists are overwhelming - take one step at a time. Steph said she does take on too much, and that means some things have to be culled. We can’t do everything we were doing, and start a business or go freelance. Delegate what you can afford to, and cull social lives, cleaning, cooking “you might have cereal for tea, and that’s ok.” 

Annie’s advice was to be really organised. Secure repeat work (this means you’re not always pitching). Try to get childcare if you can, and know what you’re doing in that time. Annie will get urgent last minute jobs, and will use the Bubble Babysitting app to help. We do have Bubble on a small scale in Norwich at the moment. 

Work doesn’t fit nicely into childcare hours all the time - how do you manage the overspill?

Steph said to start with, she worked all hours (which was fun and hard in equal measure), and had to get to a certain point before it got easier. Annie isn’t allowing the overspill at the moment as she’s pregnant, but advised to adjust it when you can. 

Do you switch off from work when you’re with your kids?

Annie said definitely not - she will finish an email, or a phone call but tries to do the thoughtful stuff without the kids. She said she tried to do a podcast but that didn’t work too well! She doesn’t think it’s a bad thing as she is with her kids - if they need her, she is there. She said her dad was home a lot when she was young, and he was always thinking about the next thing at work, and it didn’t bother her - he was there.  Steph thinks it is easy to beat ourselves up and she leaves her phone downstairs at night to charge. Also, Steph is so right - none of us have it right, because we don’t really know what ‘right’ is - this is all new! Which is why we are gathering on a Weds Feb night to see how others do it.

How do you avoid burn out?

Steph, of course believes in the 30 min nap. Sleep is major - when you haven’t got time to stop, is when you need to stop. Sometimes she disappears for a bit, comes down and Doug is like “did you just have a nap?” - didn’t even notice. Like a stealth nap. 

It would be difficult to work in any capacity without the support of your partner - are you specific about what help you need at home? 

Steph - the mental load is half the work. Big recommendation to ask our partners to listen to Dear Sugars podcast on Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work (Most) Women Do. In the nicest possible way, back off a bit and let your partner figure stuff out - it doesn’t need to be done your way. Annie even tried a reward chart for jobs round the home and it turned out her partner did more than she thought.

Social media - how important is it really?

For freelancers, assuming a Linkedin profile is already in use - instagram is good for community and building a platform, but not great to referring people to your website. Twitter and Facebook are better for referrals. 

For product based businesses, instagram is essential - make sure to build your story around your brand, not just product. For example, Steph has a separate brand account, and has various themes such as motherhood, which she has a social media manager working on (the excellent Nicola). 

Tips for building an audience:

Annie: Create a good feed, have a viewpoint, by creating good content you have more chance of someone sharing it. Annie thinks the best way of growing your audience is by other people sharing your account. Don’t do the follow, unfollow thing. Create good enough content so people want to mention you. 

Steph: Be consistent, don’t over think it. Don’t become so focused on the numbers - if you need 50 regular customers, and you have 70 engaged people following you - that’s perfect. Like Vickie at @inpolife said - imagine all those people lined up in your house ready to listen to you, or buy from you. It really changes your perspective. 

What boundaries do you have in place to protect you from the dark side of social media?

• Annie and Steph - Leave phone downstairs overnight

• Annie - Notice when mindlessly scrolling, stop and do something proactive like check the news

• Steph - Put your phone away at the weekends

• Steph - Check out Lucy Sheridan’s Comparison Coach podcast (Ctrl Alt Delete: #107: Lucy Sheridan: How To Stop Comparing And Despairing Online) or with Alison Perry here

Both Annie and Steph take a different approach to showing their children on social media - I wanted to touch on this as many of us have kids and it’s a big topic that’s fairly new:

Annie - started off blogging about parenting, so used to use photos of her children. Her husband didn’t want her to, and she decided to stop showing their faces. She thinks she definitely saw a drop off in followers and engagement, as people do want to see the family. However she’s now talking about freelancing and from a mum’s perspective so feels ok about that. 

Steph’s space is about motherhood, she is in it with Frank and feels it would be strange not to show her reality when she’s known for honesty and support. 

Basically - it’s up to you. I read a really good article by Mother Pukka about this last year, it is here. 

Creative process in a product business

Gemma at Mutha.Hood came to Norwich last year, and shared her approach, which is that she views her range in seasons, plans the products so she has these kinds of waves of concentration - similar to a fashion business (she used to be a fashion buyer). I think Emma at Little Hotdog Watson has a similar approach, as she has just launched Spring. 

Steph said the beauty of being digital is that she is much more off the cuff - she has an idea by talking and listening to customers, and can turn round a new product very, very quickly. She starts with the customer, and how she wants them to feel. Then it’s about product selection - the products have to be good quality and British. Her biggest advice is start small, and start focussed. 

PR

Both Annie and Steph have secured incredible PR. Annie did a Princes Trust Business Course (which is for under 30 year olds, the link is here) and the biggest tip from her mentor was to ‘find your story’.

1.     Find the right person at the publication - research the actual person, don’t send to a generic email address

2.     Follow the #journorequest hashtag on Twitter and be fast to respond

3.     Make relationships with journalists - they are real people. Send an email pitch, not an attachment.

4.     Make sure you proof read. 

I asked Steph what was the biggest thing that she can remember that drove sales, given that she has been featured in blogs, podcasts, the press, magazines. She said yes, there was one big thing early on. She started by blogging, and at that time, there were only a few big blogs about honest parenting, like Katie (Hurrah for Gin), Sarah (The Unmumsy Mum), and Steph had written a post that had gone viral. She got chatting to Sarah on Twitter and asked if she’d like to send a gift package to her friend. She did, her friend cried with gratitude (there is something wonderful about being sent one of Steph’s packages) and Sarah shared that on her Facebook page. Steph was on holiday at the time, and was happily overwhelmed with orders, getting back to her spare room as soon as she was home to dispatch. 

So the key learning is that if you have a product or service, you need to really think about a personal pull through - you can’t just ask many many “influencers” ‘can I gift you a product in exchange for a post’. It’s really not as robotic or transactional as that, you need to have invested in that person in an authentic way. They are very busy just like you. Pick three people, build a relationship, like their posts, comment on their posts. See the cost of sending samples as a marketing cost - sometimes it will work, and sometimes it won’t.

Most interesting person you’ve met?

Steph - Ben James, owner of Graze (he just sold Graze this week for a tidy sum) - very determined and interesting

Annie - remembered a mum when she was younger who she used to babysit for. The mum would DJ was super cool  - it made Annie realise she could be a cool mum

Most used apps:

Annie….

• Clementine app - helps with fear and confidence

• Barclays app - staying on the money

• Google calendar - for synching with husband (who doesn’t check it. Similar theme to the FOD event)

• Slack - for linking with colleagues on workload, instead of What’s app (avoids awkward knowledge that the person has seen it but has not replied yet)

• Social media apps 

• Hootsuite for scheduling

• Guardian app

Top Tips

Annie  - Think big, Start small

Steph – Think about the emotion in your business – focus on the feeling you want your customers to feel

We then invited questions from the audience:

Q1) From Muddy Norfolk - Around the topic of confidence - she reminded us that having our children is a huge achievement, and that it does get easier and better. Steph agreed saying you’re never more efficient. Annie agreed saying its very empowering.

Q2) From Sophie at The Night Feed - Any tips for managing parent rage with your partner? 

Steph’s advice was to spend time together when you can. Although it’s an ongoing thing. Remember they feel pressure too, and it’s good to understand each other. She said she counselling before their third baby, which was useful. And her mums advice - remember to be kind.

Q3) Any big business disasters - Steph said at the start she over ordered stock and didn’t sell it, and didn’t understand cash flow at the start and now it’s king. Molly at Selfish Motherlaunches a product for pre-order, and then orders stock based on pre-order numbers, which minimises risk. I’ve seen Gemma at Mutha.Hood do this too. 

Q4) Podcast recommendations

• Bad Ass Women’s Hour (if you’re in Norfolk, you might know Leah at Roots and Toots - one of her best friends is Emma at Bad Ass Womens Hour, and Leah has been on it)

• Women’s Podcast from Irish Tmes - grittier version of our Women’s Hour

• Our Womans Hour

• Adam Buxton - did you know he records his podcast from WYMONDHAM people?!!?!!

• Desert Island Discs

• London Review Bookshop

And then looking in Steph’s insta highlight:

Scummy Mummies, Emma Gannon, Alison Perry, Bowel Baby, Nicky Raby, Bryony Gordon, Life Coaching by Anna, Cherry Healey, Emma Guns, The High Low, Katie Piper, Dear Sugars, Power of Mum, Holly Tucker MBE, Freaking the F*ck Out, Griefcast, Cheltenham Maman

You can search people you like, like Annie and Steph and work your way through. 

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This is a link to all the articles Annie has written on Forbes.com

This is a link to all the articles Annie has written on Guardian

This is a link to Steph’s blog posts

GOOD LUCK to anyone reading this - you got this!!! All photos by Emily Gray Photography

Guest Blog: Why I have chosen employment over freelancing...

Photo by Emily Gray Photography

I’ve read lots recently about freelancing mums and wanted to add to the debate and talk about why I have chosen flexible employment and how it works for me.

Since having my children in 2010 and 2014 I’ve (nearly) always been employed. I’ve tried 3 days, 4 days, and 4 days over 5 days (phew!) and many combinations of nurseries, after school etc. For me the boundaries and routines of regular employment are actually really helpful to parenting. Perhaps it’s my personality type but for me stability and consistency are really important-and when thinking about what to do for the best in your career after children I think is important to recognise your own values.

Earlier this year I took 3 months off between jobs- I considered freelancing and even not working - but weirdly during this time it was the first time we had ever been late for school or missed a crucial appointment. Without a focus and timetable in the mornings my routine really went to pot. Not that it’s perfect now- but when you have to get out at a certain time you really can do it.

I work full time now and I’m a mum of two - one at school and one pre school. I’ve found a senior Marketing Director role where I can work from home 3 days a week- though it does mean some nights away from home. My husband also works from home and without a shadow of a doubt I couldn’t do my job without the flexibility he also has. After motherhood it might not be just you that has to change your work pattern and if you and your partner (if you have one) can both have some flexibility it can make a real difference. 

For me working with a steady income, predictable hours and the ability to shut the laptop at the end of the day and switch off is so important.

So for me what’s good about being employed:

• Security (as much as you’ll ever get anyway)

• Switch off- you can usually just leave it til Monday.

• Switch it- if it’s not working there are other jobs out there

• Training- helping you get where you really want to be

• Community- others in the same boat or just other adult humans
  
  

What’s not so good

• Other people will rely on you and this can sometimes feel too much on top of family life.

• You sometimes have to make very hard choices about who gets your time.

• Not all employers understand the struggle of the juggle

Ultimately whether freelance or employed you will probably know in your heart if it is working or not for you and family. There is not a right or wrong answer it is much more about how it fits with your values and personality.

Liz Cobbold is Marketing Director at Broadland Wineries and has nearly 20 years experience in senior marketing roles for Adnams and Tesco. She has two sons aged 4 and 8. Liz works flexibly and has been through the process of deciding whether to go freelance or not and chose the employed route.

If you’d like to blog for this website, with corresponding social media posts, please email me emma@wegotthisco.com with an article and high quality image.

Meet Liz at our 'Making Work, Work' event on 13th Feb at Bills Norwich. She has agreed to speed mentoring sessions after the talk with Annie Ridout (author of The Freelance Mum) and Steph Douglas, owner of Don't Buy Her Flowers) - tickets and information is available here.